Monday, April 14, 2014

Perms

Guys don’t need perms. It should never enter into a guy’s brain that a perm would be even remotely a possibility.

But then again, what better evidence could there be that the ‘70s were a sick, sick decade than the popularity of these things way back then?


It’s bad enough to be named after a dessert, but add in the perm and the dopey expression, and we’re talking big time bad here. 

Mark Lemongello (luh-MON-juh-lo, by the way) has a Wikipedia entry that is such a classic I just had to quote it verbatim:

Mark Lemongello (born July 21, 1955 in Jersey City, New Jersey) is a retired professional baseball player who pitched in the Major Leagues from 1976-1979. He played for the Houston Astros and the Toronto Blue Jays. He is the cousin of singer Peter Lemongello.

Lemongello was known throughout his career for his erratic, sometimes violent behavior, which sometimes overshadowed his on-field accomplishments. He would often furiously slap himself in the face after a bad inning, and after bad games Lemongello was known to destroy locker room equipment such as hair dryers and light fixtures in fits of anger. By his own admission, Lemongello admitted to reporter Alan Abel: "My head was messed up."

After spending three seasons with Houston, where he compiled a 21-29 record, Lemongello balked at being traded to Toronto, asking if Canadians "spoke American." His tenure with Toronto was little short of disastrous, as Lemongello spent half a season with the club going 1-9, before being sent down to the minors after a screaming match with manager Roy Hartsfield. When informed he was being sent down to Syracuse, he threw an ashtray at the head of Blue Jays GM Peter Bavasi, barely missing him.

Lemongello never appeared in another major league game. Sold to the Chicago Cubs in 1980, his playing career ended that same year with the Triple-A Wichita Aeros.

In 1982, a few years after leaving baseball, Lemongello and Manuel Seoane (a former Wichita teammate), were arrested for the kidnapping and robbery of Lemongello's cousins Mike Lemongello, a former professional bowler, and Peter Lemongello. Lemongello was sentenced to seven years probation after he pled no contest to the charges.


It’s not the worst one I’ve ever seen, but the 'stache, glasses, and painted cap aren't exactly helping any now, are they?  

Tom's been here before, for a bad case of, strabismus (click the link, if you don't know what that means)  In that previous post, I talked about Tom's stats. It was only after he hung up the spikes, though, that Tom really started to shine.

Tom was actualy a pretty well-known and respected pitching coach, helping the Rangers, Astros, Padres, Chiba Lotte Marines, and USC Trojans (as well as some NFL quarterbacks!). Nolan Ryan credited him during his HoF induction speech (Nolan’s, not Tom’s).

Tom is actually quite an accomplished fellow. He started his own company, earned a PhD (in sports psychology), and has written 11 books.


Still not too bad (though I do like the way Ted's perm matches his chest hair).

Ted Sizemore was a second baseman with a great glove and an okay bat. Things started out pretty well for him, as he won the Rookie of the Year Award in the NL for the ‘69 season. To be honest, though, it was one of the weakest RoY seasons ever – .271 average, four homers, five stolen bases, 69 runs, and 46 RBIs. Overall, he finished his 12-year, five-team career with a little over 5,000 at bats, but a .262 average, and only 23 homers, 59 stolen bases, 577 runs, and 430 ribbies.

He’s currently doing good, though, as CEO of BAT (the Baseball Assistance Team). It’s an excellent charity that helps out former major leaguers down on their luck.


Okay, this is bad. Really bad.

Dick Bosman has actually been here twice before, for his follow-through and his signature. Well, I guess it’s time to make fun of something else now. Thanks for making that so easy, Dick!

To be quite honest with you, I’ve said pretty much everything there is to say about this guy in those other posts. Believe me, there is probably nothing else interesting I can possibly say about Dick Bosman.


Persian lamb?

Ed Herrmann was a pretty decent catcher.  He was up for 11 years, getting in not quite 1,000 games and finishing with 80 homers and 320 RBIs. He was a one-time All Star and also caught a no-hitter. His best year was his sophomore season, where he hit .283 and belted 19 dingers (almost a quarter of his career total).  He was also known as a particularly good knuckleball catcher, having handled Hoyt Wilhelm, Wilbur Wood,  and Eddie Fisher with the Chisox.

Among his many post-career activities, I particularly liked his being elected Chapter President for the Christian motorcyclists association Wings of Eagles, Chapter 498, North San Diego County. That fu manchu must have come in handy there.


Perm, dopey expression, and cheesy mustache make this one a Triple Crown winner.

Pete Redfern had a seven-year major league career, all with the Twinkies.  He finished a pretty forgettable 42-48, with a 4.54 ERA. His one claim to fame seems to be being the starting pitcher for the first game in the Metrodome.

By the way, don’t get our Pete confused with Pete Redfern the Liverpool musician, or Pete Redfern the CEO of Taylor Wimpey. Easy to do, of course. I totally understand.


Wayne had a little different job in the offseason. He was a porn star! 

Wayne Garland actually did have an interesting career (in baseball, that is).  After a few cups of coffee with the O’s, he put together a 20-game season for them in 1976 (with a 2.67 ERA to boot).

He then parlayed that career year into sign a 10-year free agent contract with the Indians. The poor, poor, hapless Indians. 

Yup, Wayne took that 20-win season and totally turned it around, finishing with a 13-19 record in his first year in Cleveland and leading the league in losses. Believe it or not, though, it would only get worse. He would flub through four more seasons with the Tribe, never posting a winning record, never getting double figures in wins, and only once getting his ERA below 5.00. And that makes him one of the Worst Free Agent Signings Ever.


And for no extra charge, we’ll throw in the really bad perm.  That’s the cheesy mustache, the weird expression, and the really bad perm – all for only $9.99.

Poor Mike Cosgrove.  His Wikipedia entry comes in at a mere 75 words. I mean, not that there was all that much to say (four years, 12-11 record, ), but still … 

Oh, and I know it’s easy to do, but please don’t confuse our Mike with Mike Cosgrove the drummer for Alien Ant Farm. Happens all the time, I know.


The perm?  The ‘stache?  The expression?  The chaw?  The name? What is it that makes this card one of the all-time worst?

Warren Brusstar may have set a record for most times refusing to sign in the draft. I’ve got him down for ’70 (#634), ’71 (#114), and ’73 (#684). You’ll be happy to know that he did indeed finally sign – in ’74 (#67), with the Phillies. 

“Brew” would become the classic set up man – nine years, 340 games, 485 innings, 14 saves, 28 wins. He would actually do pretty well in the postseason, notching a 1.96 ERA in 18 innings over six separate series.

Somehow or other, Brusstar managed to make it into three separate halls of fame. Of course, I am talking about those for Napa Valley High School, Napa Valley Community College, and the California Community College Baseball Coaches Association.
    

"Ennh, wise guy, huh?"

I told you you’d be seeing Don Stanhouse again (for a totally different look for this guy, check out this post). Alright, time to share some stats …

Um … er… I gotta tell ya … They’re pretty so-so. Over ten years, he finished with a 38-54 record and a 1.528 WHIP. He was the O’s closer for two years though. In fact, he somehow managed to get in an All Star game in one of those two years.


Steve, no! You didn’t, really, did you?  As of the painted-on cap wasn’t bad enough.  

Well, at least he’s still with the Phillies, and hasn’t yet started that long, slow, increasingly desperate, completely embarrassing attempt to hang on into his mid-40s with the Giants, Chisox, Twins, and who knows who else.